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So I had a relatively close call recently, with my life ending and all.
Here’s the story, morning glory. So I was at the Applebee’s, by myself, because that’s the place I’m at in my life right now, and I was seated at the bar there. That’s the closest you can get to heaven, I think. Alone at the Applebee’s bar. At age 27.
So, sidebar. I’m a terrible eater. I eat every moment like it’s the first time I’ve been exposed to food. There’s nothing that can be done about this, I wish it wasn’t the case but it’s just true, I eat like a disgusting animal that shouldn’t be allowed inside.
Alright, so I had ordered an extra large blue moon and a steak. And then this couple sits down at the other side of the bar from me. In case you’re not an Applebee’s officiando like myself, their bar is a large U shape. The couple was on the other side of the curve, directly across from me. The restaurant itself was fairly busy, the bar however, was not.
The guy in the couple keeps looking at me. Just staring my direction. Maybe not at me, but AT me, you know what I mean. So he’s looking this way, and my food comes. I cut the steak into pieces that are JUST too big for public consumption but what are you going to do. The bartender at this time is leaning against the bar near the couple, also looking my way. I realize this the moment I take my first bite of the steak. Huge, enormous bite. So I start chewing into this monster truck bite and I get like super aware all the sudden of how gross this is. My cheek is swollen to the size of a giant watermelon, cartoonishly bloated as I chew on this thing. I got like, steak dripping out of my mouth and everything. Disgusting. So then the bartender is doing the one-bite check you know, a little jumping the gun.
“How is it?”
“HRHRK” I respond.
She looks away, completely horrified, and the dude across the way is looking intently into me, seeing the true animal the lurks within. I decide, man, I gotta finish this piece of steak, so I go to swallow it, but the eating process is only halfway done. This thing slooowly starts to go down my massive gullet, but then stops abruptly. I start snorting a little trying to get it down, when I notice I can’t breathe at all. Oh, lol.
I realize at this moment that I am going to die at the Applebee’s bar. I mean I am actually choking to death on an Applebee’s steak. At the Applebee’s bar. And I’m like, starting to panic, you know, I CANNOT breathe at ALL. I make some exaggerated movements and start to tear up, incidentally flail my hand into the mashed potatoes, and now I REALLY got steak juice flowing all over my beard, but everyone is so over my presence they can’t bear to look at me any longer.
Finally, I make this sound like “HURGGGGH” and it comes up a little bit, enough to get it out of my neck, and now all three of them are looking at me, covered in steak-juice and A1, crying my eyes out because I was dying on a piece of steak. And I can’t spit it out because they’re all already so upset, so I just have to keep eating it like a cow with it’s cud.
I finish the steak, tears flowing, as a dude asks if I want another beer.
“Yes,” I said.
14 hrs ago.
Hawaii's governor signed a bill making it the first state to place its residents who own firearms in a federal criminal record database and monitor them for possible wrongdoing anywhere in the country, his office said.
The move by gun control proponents in the liberal state represents an effort to institute some limits on firearms in the face of a bitter national debate over guns that this week saw Democratic lawmakers stage a sit-in at the U.S. House of Representatives.
Hawaii Governor David Ige, a Democrat, on Thursday signed into law a bill to have police in the state enroll people into an FBI criminal monitoring service after they register their firearms as already required, his office said in a statement.
The Federal Bureau of Investigation database called "Rap Back" will allow Hawaii police to be notified when a firearm owner from the state is arrested anywhere in the United States.
Hawaii has become the first U.S. state to place firearm owners on the FBI's Rap Back, which until now was used to monitor criminal activities by individuals under investigation or people in positions of trust such as school teachers and daycare workers
"As you can imagine, the NRA finds this one of the most extreme bills we've ever seen," said Amy Hunter, a spokeswoman for the National Rifle Association's institute for legislative action.
The law could affect gun owners outside Hawaii, because the state requires visitors carrying guns to register, Hunter said.
As a result, they could be added to "Rap Back" because they arrived in the state with a gun, she said. The Hawaii attorney general's office said a weapon-carrying visitor should be able to petition for removal from the national database after leaving the state.
Hawaii state Senator Will Espero, a Democrat who co-authored the law and owns a gun, called it "common sense legislation that does not hurt anyone." *
The law, which takes effect immediately, allows police in Hawaii to evaluate whether a firearm owner should continue to possess a gun after being arrested.
"It just means local police will be notified," Espero said in a phone interview.
Ige's office said he also signed into law two other firearms bills. One makes convictions for stalking and sexual assault among the criminal offenses disqualifying a person from gun ownership. The other requires firearm owners to surrender their weapons if diagnosed with a mental, behavioral or emotional disorder.
(Reporting by Alex Dobuzinskis; Editing by David Gregorio and Ed Davies)
Holy WTF are Hawaiians thinking?!
Not surprising the Bill was from a Dummycrap!
I foresee the NRA suing to have the Bill overturned.
* “Doesn’t hurt anyone...” ?? How about being placed
on the (SECRET) Terrorist Watch List or the No Fly List
just because you’re in the "Rap Back" database?
Some how, some way, this will have bad repercussions!!
another day passes.
the anxiety waxes and wanes.
any silence needs filled up immediately.
i’ve taken to doing multiple things at a time: television and reading, mostly.
i’ve slowly started being able to accomplish things, even small things are encouraging. tonight i made chicken parmesan, penne, and cooked some shrimp in butter. it's the first time i’ve done much in the way of cooking since last friday.
but at night, panic creeps in. falling asleep feels simultaneously amazing (because i'm exhausted almost always), and terrifying (because it's hours of time i’m emotionally vulnerable, unprotected, who knows what could happen while i’m asleep).
so i’ll blog, and read, and look through memes, and watch parks and rec for the hundredth time, until my antihistamines knock me out.
and then i hope i don't dream.
Hi all! Hope all is well with everyone...if anyone is out there anymore, haha. I know some of you are so hi *waves*. Yesterday was the last day of school for our district which was bittersweet. I was in my school that I student taught at which was such a pleasure and I’m so happy I was able to experience the last days of this year there with my first family. I loved my time there and I’m so grateful for it! Now the hunt begins! I’m nervous, but also excited because I think I will be able to find a job and I think I will do really well.
Anyway, I went to The Matches’ 10 year Anniversary (WOW TEN YEARS HOLY CROW) tour for the album “Decomposer” (fun fact my username is from a song off that album) and it was literally SO amazing. I usually don’t like going to New York, but Ben and I had a blast. The crowd was awesome and the energy was amazing. It was sSOOOOOOOOOOoooo refreshing to see a band that was genuinely happy to be on stage and playing their music and it was a lot of fun to be in a crowd that was excited to be there and happy to be seeing such an awesome album and band. I’m a little heartbroken on not knowing if/when I’ll ever see them again; but I am also thrilled to have experienced that show. I haven’t felt like myself and I used to enjoy going to shows and now as I get older I start to dislike it, but I’m happy to find those little gems every once in a while. I was scaring myself because last month my best friend and I went to see mewithoutYou and Say Anything – two of my all time favorites and they were touring together, I should have been so excited and I wasn’t as dazzled as I normally am by either band! Shocking, I know, but it was weird. It was kind of like an out of body experience. I spent most of the day dreading going and then most of the night thinking, “What am I doing here?” But, I did enjoy seeing my fave lady because I never see her (and that’s 100% okay because we are adults).
We started watching Grey’s Anatomy and i dont remember if I wrote about that – but we are almost caught up on the series. AHHHH. I’m excited to be able to watch in real time! Hahahah.
I’ve been reading the Harry Potter books. My goal is to read all 7 this year, I am more than half way done with book 3. And I must say while they are enjoyable, they are not as mindblowing as I thought they’d be. I’ve not yet had the life-changing HP experience so many readers have had. I dont know if it’s because that happens later in the series or if it's because I've seen some (not all) of the movies or what, but unpopular opinion: Harry Potter is not the be-all end-all of literature. I am, however, enjoying reading the actual books and learning the actual stories. So that is a positive for sure.
I'm also reading Gone girl, which is mostly insufferable but I also can't stop???? I think I just want to get it over with (which I've already seen the film adaptation multiple times)...so yeah. I want to finish it so I can move on. So anyway that's what I plan to do this summer read as much as I can and find a job. We'll see what happens right? Right.
I have some other stuff too but ill save that I'm tired of typing (I switched from computer to phone mid entry). Stay well! Talk soon, xoxox.
When you go through bullshit, you just get tired. You know, of suffering, tired of sorting out which problem requires attention first, taking 3 steps forward only to be pushed 5 steps back. So you just shut down and stop feeling anything but the constant expectation of disappointment. We’ve all been there. Eventually life rolls you over that hump and you return to norm. But what about the people who find themselves wedged underneath the hump? We want to say it was by accident but the reality of it is that the hump just looked way too steep and we didn’t want to put in the effort. So we panic and dig. and dig, and dig until finally plummeting into our real all time low. And you recognize it when you see it because it wakes you the fuck up to life.
That could be broken down into like falling into real harsh poverty, something like ending a bad relationship that will ultimately flip your stable life into the unknown.. Or it could very well be surviving. For some people, they can remain stuck in the mud underneath that hump and they will mostly likely drown. Realistically speaking, they would commit suicide or go into a psychotic episode. Both are okay and both are not okay. The okay comes from understanding what it’s like to feel so low, to experience that grim shit, and understanding that no one should ever be or is ever alone. It’s not okay because people just shouldn’t have to experience such darkness..
You can’t deny, though, that tense situations really do change a person’s heart, usually for the better. Sometimes not. A lot of what helped soften my edges came from realizing that life itself is the longest, God-damned thing I will ever experience. So I better chill out and make it worthwhile. I guess that’s the equivalent to “life’s short, enjoy it, take risks blah blah blah”. But life doesn’t seem short to me; why? I already feel 40 years old, but I’m only 20. I think it’s because I’ve just experienced that amount of bullshit. And I assume the people who see life as short, are the ones who’ve experienced minimally-aged bullshit.. they probably feel young af.
For me, at one point for several months, everything in my life was a negative, and I damn-near died. All I see and allow myself to experience now is the positive beauty that life offers in every day. I’m silly and I laugh at everything. I know it’s annoying but I’m happy. No matter what I’m struggling with, I make sure that there is peace and happiness inside of my heart, and that I emit it. Having a support system is key. It can be donuts, your cat, your family, a friend, your coworkers, or the stranger you passed by 2 days ago; who gave you the softest, most beautiful smile in the whole wide world and you know, from just that one tiny affair, that they survived their own bullshit hump. We make it our mission to spread that smile of understanding, hope, and motivation because it makes a difference. And that seemingly little difference, actually makes all the difference.
i am screaming inside
i love my recent ex, i really do, but she couldnt see a future with me and broke up with me and fucking shattered me…
and then i lost my shit at her because she was like “friends?” but never replied to a fucking message…
fucking bitch makes me feel fucking pathetic.. and didnt take her long to start dating again, her dating profile was re activated and updated a few days later and im in the wrong for being fucking angry…. fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
i suppose its karma… i was a cheating bastard on my previous girlfriend because i want feeling it atleast this one was straight up with me… not like that helps anything though
i suppose i should message the one i cheated on and appologide.. fuck